Top Ten Facts about Self-Esteem

If you suffer from low self esteem (or have been told you do), or treat people with low self esteem (or think you do), please read on. There are a fair few self esteem myths that can block your progress when trying to lift self esteem..
Low self esteem has been scientifically studied and the findings of this research helped inform the facts you'll find here. (1)

Mark Tyrrell, co-author of the Self Confidence Trainer, completed a UK tours in 2002, 2003, 2004 & 2005 teaching thousands of health professionals the facts about self esteem and how to treat low self esteem in their patients. He has also co-authored a book on self esteem for Axis Publishing called The Giant Within - Maximise Your Self Esteem.In addition, Mark has created:
11 downloads on improving self esteem on our main site Hypnosis Downloads.
As you can imagine, Mark did a lot of research for his seminar 'How to Lift Low Self Esteem'. He has listed his 10 most important 'Tips' for you here.

1) Low Self Esteem Not To Blame for being bad!

Firstly people with genuinely low self-esteem, a poor self image and low confidence, have been insensitively lumped together with bullies, narcissists, criminals and child abusers. No, really!
Popular assumption was that people did bad things to other people because they, themselves have low self esteem. But if you have ever asked yourself: "Do I have low self esteem" fear not. All the evidence points to the conclusion that low self esteem is a distinct condition, so if you do have self esteem you don't have to feel that you are in the same group as bullies or abusers.
Research has found that people with genuine low self esteem tend to treat themselves badly not other people. Stopping people being bullies by trying to lift their self esteem may be like trying to get an obese person to lose weight by feeding them lots more cake.
In the 1980's there was a movement to raise self esteem in schools in the belief that this would stop bullies bullying and prevent future crime in society. But peer reviewed research has shown schools trying to raise self esteem don't prevent bullies bullying (2) (because low self esteem wasn't causing them to bully).
Artificially and ineffectively focusing on lifting self esteem doesn't raise academic performance either (3) As you'll see in fact 4 the methods schools attempted to raise self esteem may have even damaged the sense of self worth in those suffering genuine low self esteem.
Low self esteem is not to blame for nearly as many problems as has traditionally been thought. It was also assumed that self esteem could never be too high.

2) Too high Self Esteem Linked to Criminality

It is now clear that too high self esteem or 'High Self Esteem Disorder' is often more of a problem. (This is NOT merely a 'disguised' form of low self-esteem, as commonly thought). So, if you are the victim of a bully then you can rest assured you don't have to feel sorry for them.
Hundreds of pieces of reliable research now show that bullies and many criminals are much more likely to suffer from unrealistically high self esteem and impulse control problems than low self esteem. An exaggerated sense of entitlement - expecting much from many situations - is more likely to lead to frustration and aggressive, antisocial, or even criminal behaviour. If self esteem can be too low it can also be too high. It was a crazy and unwarranted assumption that all human behaviour could be explained a way by low self esteem.
So what are the symptoms of real low self esteem?

3) Characteristics of Genuinely Low Self Esteem

1. Social withdrawal
2. Anxiety and emotional turmoil
3. Lack of social skills and self confidence. Depression and/or bouts of sadness
4. Less social conformity
5. Eating disorders
6. Inability to accept compliments
7. An Inability to see yourself 'squarely' - to be fair to yourself
8. Accentuating the negative
9. Exaggerated concern over what you imagine other people think
10. Self neglect
11. Treating yourself badly but NOT other people
12. Worrying whether you have treated others badly
13. Reluctance to take on challenges
14. Reluctance to put yourself first or anywhere.
15. Reluctance to trust your own opinion
16. Expecting little out of life for yourself

So what is likely to cause very low self esteem? Tale a look at how to build self esteem. But one major factor is history.

4) Child Abuse Increases Likelihood of Low Self Esteem

People who were abused as children (physical beating or sexual abuse) are more likely to suffer low self esteem as adults (6) They have learned that they are of little value in themselves or just an object to be used. They have been 'brain washed' by constant criticism or abuse that they are a certain way. When a person begins to question this former conditioning or brainwashing then a healthier and more accurate sense of self can begin to emerge. This happens in a similar way to how people may break away from the brainwashing of a cult. There are other forms of abuse and certainly a history of being heavily criticized or unfavorably compared to others can lead to low self esteem ("why can't you be more like your brother!").
Former abuse may lead to post traumatic stress disorder which maintains the sense of "damage" and low self worth. Once traumatic memories are dealt with effectively the mind becomes clearer to form a better self esteem. So what else does the low self esteem sufferer need?
So past conditioning (often but not always from childhood) can produce low self esteem in adults. But why didn't the drive to raise self esteem in school kids (starting in California with a legislature to raise self esteem) prevent childhood depression and low self esteem from rising?

5) You Can't Argue Someone Better!

The 1980's drive to raise low self esteem in schools backfired (4) Why? Well it was based on the idea that low self esteem can be successfully treated by a bombardment of "positive messages". But research has shown that positive affirmations actually worsen the mood of people who already have low self esteem (5). It seems that positive thinking as a "blunt instrument" used repetitively to try to brainwash people to feel better about themselves is too superficial an approach. And the person with low self esteem senses this.
Telling someone they are great or wonderful when they are constantly negative about themselves will not work. Imagine if you really detest yourself and someone tells you that you're lovely even as they are telling everyone else the same thing.
In fact people with low self esteem can be upset by disconfirming feedback. Healthy self esteem needs to emerge subtly, not as a sudden result of hearing you are 'really special' or 'fantastic'.
Paradoxically, being "too nice" to someone with very low self esteem can drive them away. People need to develop better self esteem gradually, through "proof" in the real world. Just being repeatedly told (by someone who doesn't know you that well) that "you're wonderful" has never been found to work in lifting low self esteem.
Whenever we're highly emotional our perception is distorted. When people calm down around the idea of themselves then a healthier self-esteem can emerge like a green island coming into view when mist clears.
What else do those with low self esteem need?

6) A Little More Uncertainty Can Help

Contrary to popular opinion, people with low self-esteem tend to be very sure of themselves. That's the problem. This manifests in their conviction that they are worthless or inadequate. As you will know if you have ever tried to argue with someone who puts themselves down continually, it is very hard to do! When someone with low self esteem starts to become less sure of their own opinion of themselves and therefore begins to assess counter evidence regarding their worthlessness, their self image begins to become more healthy. At first the "ugly" duckling was certain it was a failed duck but that misdirected certainty had to loosen before it's true life direction could become clear.
Good self esteem is actually a by product of living in a healthy way. So rather than trying to raise it directly it's easier to focus elsewhere (such on what a person does) and let self esteem rise as happy side effect of a change in living. What do we all need in life that will help us incidentally feel better about ourselves?

7) Build on Solid Foundations

For anyone to be psychologically and physically healthy then core needs have to be fulfilled. Being clear about what you need and making efforts to meet those needs constructively means you'll naturally have better self esteem as a by-product of living well.
This is useful list of basic human needs:

1. The need to give and receive attention
2. The need to look after your body.
3. The need for meaning, purpose and goals.
4. The need for a connection to something greater than ourselves
5. The need for creativity and stimulation
6. The need for intimacy and connection to others.
7. The need for a sense of control
8. The need for a sense of status and recognition from others.
9. The need for a sense of safety and security

Of course, it is likely that at any one time, one or more of these may be slightly lacking in your life, without dire consequences. However, in the long-term, they must all be catered for one way or another.
Something else the "low self esteemer" needs is the capacity to focus off their own emotionality and merge with experience so they gain more enjoyment from life.

8) Healthy Pleasures Are Vital

When you have a healthy level of self esteem (not self hating but not narcissistically self involved either) then you find it easier to actually forget about yourself. You'll only think about your toe if it's in pain or if you are obsessively proud of it-otherwise it can take care of itself. It's the same with your sense of self.
We all need to engage in activities which we enjoy and in which we can 'lose ourselves' regularly.
Someone's mental and even, to some extent, physical health can be directly related to how 'self-referential' they are in their conversation - as people become healthier they use the 'I' word less (7), in the same way that when your knee stops hurting you don't need to rub it any more. People should be encouraged to focus their attention away from themselves and this becomes easier once they have met their own basic emotional needs in healthy ways.
We all amplify some parts of our experience and minimize others. But if we habitually do this by expanding the bad stuff and linking that to self esteem whilst belittling the good stuff distancing positives from self esteem then it doesn't take a rocket scientist (or even a psychologist) to see that low self esteem will result.

9) Make the Most of Success

Low self esteem requires a particular attitude towards success. Whenever you succeed at something, you must 'write it off' as good luck, chance, or someone else's responsibility.
To gain a more realistic view of yourself, you need to take appropriate credit for your successes. In the Self Confidence Trainer, we call this skill 'Converting'.
This involves learning how to convert real successes into statements about your self. The other part of the picture is to view perceived failures as temporary and not statements manifestations of your 'core identity'. When you stop discounting things that go well and magnifying stuff that doesn't go so well you are less likely to be depressed or suffer low self esteem. Period.
Low self esteem treatment should consist of a balance between teaching new thinking, emotional and behavioural skills. See: How to Boost Self Esteem
Ultimately a healthy balance should be encouraged as should the development of real practical skills such as how to be assertive and build a social life.

10) It's not just about Positive Thinking!

Positive thinking can be useful in that it challenges you to form a different view on things. However, most of the time it just takes the form of arguing with yourself, and as we've seen from 4) above, this doesn't work.
Low self esteem may drive us to constantly and negatively compare ourselves to other people. As self esteem rises to a healthy level you'll find that you do this much less. Check out this 'do you have an inferiority complex?' for more ideas on how to stop negatively comparing yourself to others.
To change your self image and improve low self esteem, you need to believe in an alternative opinion of yourself through experience, not just repeat platitudes about how great you are really! After all in the words of a wise man: "If you are not for yourself then who else will be?"

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Top 20 Bodyweight Exercises for Building Muscle

Bodyweight exercises need to be part of your program if you want to get jacked.
But not just pushups, sit ups and high rep calisthenics.
That’s beginner stuff that won’t build any real muscle.
We’re talking about really working hard on high tension, advanced bodyweight exercises that can only be done for somewhere between five and ten reps, on average.
The nice thing about these is that they’re very natural and can usually be done pain free by most people.
They can be added to any program along with barbells, dumbbells and strongman implements.
That’s the ultimate combination for building high performance mass.
Or you can use nothing but bodyweight exercises. The choice is yours.
Below is a list of my top 20 bodyweight exercises for size and strength.

1) Chin/ Pull Up

This exercise will build the lats and biceps very effectively. An impressive number of full range, perfect reps is twenty. Everyone should do at least fifty total reps per week of some sort of chin up variation.
The parallel grip chin/ pull up is easiest on the shoulders and elbows and is the one I recommend most. Doing them on rings is safest as it allows for the most natural movement but is also significantly more difficult.

2) Rope Climb

Awesome for true functional, relative strength. Your goal is to climb a twenty foot ropeusing just your hands.

3) Inverted Row

Some type of inverted row variation, either on a bar, rings, ropes or suspension straps should be included for mid back thickness and strength.
To increase the difficulty try holding each rep for a few seconds at the top, using Fat Gripz or towels, placing only one leg up on the bench instead of two, or with both feet suspended up in the air in a tucked front lever position.
To target the upper back musculature (teres minor, rhomboids, rear delts) you want to have your elbows directly out to your side when rowing. That means when you row the bar or straps toward you they will be at neck or face level. For more lats and mid-back, row with your elbows tucked to your sides.

4) Front Lever

This is one of the absolute BEST exercises for activating and building the lats. Maybe even better than chin ups. It’s also one of the best abdominal exercises you can do and will put crunches and sit ups to shame. To progress into doing the dynamic movement I recommend starting with isometric holds. Four sets of 10 seconds twice per week will be good for most people.

5) Muscle Up

Very few people will ever master the muscle up but if you take the time and have the dedication it’s very impressive to be able to pull off. Doing five perfect reps is a good goal to shoot for.

6) Handstand Pushup

These will build big shoulderslike nothing else and will cause less far less pain and destruction than a barbell military press. An impressive number to shoot for is ten full range reps. To get started on these you need to first master the handstand.
It’s been said by high level gymnastic coaches that the ability to handstands is one of the most important things you can develop to improve your overall athleticism.
Once you are able to hold a handstand with your feet against the wall for 60 seconds you can start progressing into handstand pushups.

7) Pushup

I would choose some type of pushup over a barbell or dumbbell press any day of the week. They are that effective and beneficial and pose a lot less risk of injury than the other options.
Some of the ones I use most often in training myself or clients are the steep incline suspended pushup (with your feet in the straps), regular suspended pushups on rings, or the Jungle Gym XT divebomber pushups and one arm pushups.
Planche pushups are probably the hardest variation but you’ll need to be prepared for 1-2 years worth of work to get there, though you can do modified versions on rings much sooner. A good goal for most people is ten one arm pushups. That’s strong and impressive.

8) Ring Fly

The function of the pecs is to draw the arm across the midline of the body. Vince Gironda and Larry Scott introduced me to this exercise back in the early 90′s and I was blown away by how well it worked.
It’s one of the most challenging, yet brutally effective moves you can do for building your chest.
Lower yourself slowly, always being sure to brace your abs, squeeze your glutes and pause in the bottom position. Be prepared for some HARD work and expect to see some biceps growth from this exercise as well.

9) Ring Dip

If you do them straight up and down they will blast your triceps better than just about any other exercise. Twenty five reps done in this manner is a good goal to shoot for.
For more chest emphasis you can lean forward by flexing at the hip and holding your legs out in front of you and instead of simply pressing your way out of the bottom, try to squeeze/pull your way up.

10) Inverted Shrug

The big knock on bodyweight training is that it does nothing for your traps to give you that yoked look. But that’s because people don’t know about the inverted shrug. Get on the rings and flip yourself upside down. Once you’ve stabilized your body simply shrug up and down. Even though you’re only using your bodyweight and it’s less than you’d usually use on a bar it always seems to be enough resistance for most people. If it’s not you can throw on a weighted vest.

11) Hand Walking/ Crawling

Walking on your hands is an outstanding way to develop shoulder strength and stability. This can be done upside down in the handstand position or it can be done in pushup position with your feet in the Power Wheel.
Done in the latter manner it will train your abs harder than anything you’ve ever done. Shoot for 100 yards with perfect form, meaning no sagging or A-framing hips.
Aside from walking on your hands, any type of crawl is awesome for full body strength and athleticism.There are numerous types of crawls such as bear crawls, tiger crawls, crab walks, etc.
I suggest incorporating them into your workouts at least once per week as a finisher or a warm up.

12) Pistol Squat

Pistol squats develop every muscle in the lower body along with great balance, stabilization, coordination and athleticism. Like many of the bodyweight exercises listed here the pistol will take several weeks of preparation to do properly and pain free.
Even if you have the strength to do them the first time out your connective tissue won’t be prepared for the stress, so please take the necessary steps to work up to them.
An impressive number of pistol squats to shoot for is twenty reps.

13) Back Foot Elevated Split Squat

Pistols are great but a lot of people will never be able to do them. This variation is more user friendly. Get in a lunge position and put your back foot up on a box or bench of about 6-12″ in height.
The quads respond very well too high volume so doing multiple 10-20 rep sets on this exercise is the preferred plan of attack.

14) Skater Squat

To do this exercise simply bend one knee behind you and squat straight down to the floor. It’s like a pistol squat only the leg is bent behind you instead of straight out in front of you.
Touch the back knee to a padded surface and then stand back up. The range of motion is far less so this is often a good first progression into pistol squats.

15) Single Leg Hip Thrust

While pistol squats take care of most of your lower body needs you may want to include some hip extension work to make sure you have all your bases covered.
This is especially important for girls who want an ass you can rest a drink on.
A great bodyweight exercise that does that for you is the single leg hip thrust.
Set up two benches, put your upper back on one and one foot on another with the non working leg bent and up near your chest.
Now let your hips drop down toward the ground as low as you can. Drive your heel into the bench and lift your hips all the way up, while consciously contracting your glute.
After you can knock out 15-20 reps with perfect form while keeping your hips stabilized and not hyperextending your lower back I’d throw some chains or band resistance over your waist.

16) Single Leg Back Raise/ Glute Ham Raise

Ok, I cheated here because I’m calling it a tie between these two exercises for the number 15 position.
I love glute ham raises for hamstring development and protection against knee injuries. But they aren’t 100% necessary.
Whenever you squat deep enough, like you do in a pistol squat the hamstrings get worked. The glutes also get a pretty good workout from pistol squats. But this does leave the lower back lagging behind a bit in the stimulation department if all you were doing was bodyweight stuff.
So to cover that part of the body a single leg back raise would be a great option. Of course you could do these with two legs until sets of twenty become easy. After that I’d switch over to the one leg variation on either a parallel or 45 degree angled bench.

17) L-Sit

This exercise is awesome for developing core strength and mastering it will do you a world of good and have great carryover to numerous exercises and physical activities. If you have lower back or hip pain this exercise can often cure it. Start with the bent knee version and progress slowly from there. Four sets of 10 second holds two or three days per week will be enough for most people.

18) Hanging Leg Raise

This is an advanced abdominal exercise so work your way up to it slowly over the course of several months. I’d have the L-Sits down pretty good first. If you’re a beginner it may two years until you’re ready for this one. The ability to do 15-20 really picture perfect reps without jacking up your lower back is pretty impressive.

19) Side Plank

Each of the exercises listed incorporates all of the core muscles but this is the only variation that really targets the obliques. The obliques are crucially important in maintaining a healthy lower back, locking out a heavy squat or deadlift and overall core strength and stability.
If you have strong obliques chances are good that you’ll possess a decent level of functional strength. This exercise can me made as easy or as difficult as you need it to be depending on whether you bend your knees, straighten them, use a back extension bench to do it on or use a weighted vest.

20) Back Bridge

This is a great exercise to improve the health of your spine. Start very slowly and be careful on these. If you have preexisting injuries you may never be able to do this.
Those with healthy spines should aim to work towards the point where they can bridge backward from a standing position to the floor and back up again.

Bonus Exercise: Neck Bridge

Once you’re capable of doing a back bridge you should strongly consider working your way into neck bridges, both the front and rear versions. A thick neck looks powerful and commands respect. Don’t walk around with a stack of dimes.
There you have it, the top 20 bodyweight exercises for building muscle and strength.
Of course, there are tons more and it was tough narrowing it down.

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How to Conquer your Fear of Public Speaking with these 5 Simple Steps

Top 5 Tips to Conquer your Fear of Public Speaking

Does public speaking scare you? Did you know that in a famous poll which asked "what is your no.1 fear?" That the second most common answer was death. What was the top answer? What could be more scary than death...?

That answer was public speaking. So here are five great tips to beat your fear of making speeches,giving presentations or whatever form of public speaking awaits you.

Plan, Plan, Plan, Plan

The old saying is still true - fail to plan then plan to fail... The key to delivering a successful speech is to know your material, write about what interests you and speak about something you are passionate about - for some it's much easier to talk about cars then finance. Always plan out what is appropriate for your audience, if it's something with a lot of data or numbers - then it may be more appropriate to include a variety of print outs whereas a meeting about cars could have a slide show on a projector with a variety of cars you will talk about. Sometimes you don't get to choose what you get to talk about and so you just have to find your own personal way to discuss the topic that has a personal touch, something that makes it unique.

Learn Your Material
You will find it amazingly easier to deliver a speech that you know what your talking about and that you have rehearsed, rather then one that you finished writing and printing the night before. Preparation is essentially the key to doing well in a speech and you will find that over preparing will never hurt.

The Delivery
Okay, so your standing in front of a crowd and it doesn't matter how big that crowd is, you may be feeling like your heart is beating at 150 miles an hour. Everything is moving so fast, and you hear your name called to start your speech. You feel queasy inside and as you open your mouth to say a word, you feel no moisture - just a dry mouth. This is what you will feel like most likely and don't worry, there are many other people who feel the exact same way when delivering a speech. This is how you may feel at the beginning but when you finish speaking you will feel completely different if you manage to keep the audience interested and maintain in control of yourself.

Do's and Do Not's

Do: Relax
Before you start, take a deep breath and just build yourself up. My favorite quote to say when I am in that position is to say, 'I can achieve whatever I believe'. Keep taking deep breaths whenever you need to, your audience will be thankful that you are pacing every now and then - it also gives them a chance to soak in the information. If you have the option, you can take a sip of water every now and then as a breather break.

Don't: Apologize for a Mistake
Don't apologize for a mistake. People most likely didn't notice it and stopping and saying, 'I'm sorry - that wasn't meant to be there' is more likely going to do more harm then good. Just continue on like you didn't even notice you made a mistake, it's the same concept when performing in a dance competition or a music recital - don't stop if you mess up - just continue and show you have the ability to adapt to any situation.

Do: Enthusiasm
Nobody likes a speech without enthusiasm and you will often find it may be difficult to speak up and project your voice but it will involve your audience and be worth it in the end.

Don't: Worry about Blushing/Embarrassment
Everyone hates speaking in a crowd (well mostly everyone - including me) and naturally some people will blush or get 'red faced'. The more you worry about it, the more people will take notice to it. If you focus your energy on engaging your listeners and forget about the blushing then it will fade as soon as it arrived and less people will care about it because you obviously don't seem to.

The Aftermath
You did it! You finished your speech and guess what? You're still alive and I am sure you even got a hand of applause when you finished. Feels good doesn't it? Well, you put in the hard work and survived - take a deep breath and acknowledge any complements with a quick thanks.

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