What's Wrong With Unstoppable Confidence?

 

 What do you think of when you hear the phrase  self-confidence? Is it a desirable quality, or is it some kind of ego driven, inflated assessment of one’s own abilities?
Do you desire greater confidence, or do you harbor negative feelings toward those that seem overly confident, or both?

Seeking balance

As with anything else, a balanced, healthy sense of confidence is what we should strive for. Here is a question worth considering, is it possible to have a realistic view of one’s own abilities, and still have unstoppable self-confidence?
Yes it is, and that’s where balance comes in. Confidence is an inner feeling of certainty about what we have to offer, and what we are capable of accomplishing. It is closely related to self-esteem, which is our personal estimation of our own value and worth as a person.
Without a reasonable degree of self-esteem, it is impossible to manifest extraordinary confidence. So, self-esteem levels are an important factor, and they need to be maintained within certain reasonable limits. Just as an unreasonable level of self-esteem creates an egomaniac, too much self-confidence can also prove to be unrealistic and counterproductive. If it’s unrealistic, then it is also potentially harmful on some level, physically, emotionally, or financially. How can being too confident be harmful?

Everything has its limits

While a strong sense of self-confidence will create new opportunities, it cannot change reality. For example, on a physical plane, having complete confidence that you can fly off the top of a 50-story building will not negate the force of gravity. Gravity is a force of nature, and it is not susceptible to your will. That my friend is just reality.
Here’s an example from the financial world. Dumping your life savings into a falling stock market because you have complete confidence that things are about to turn around, will not change the direction of the markets. You will either be very lucky, or very broke.
How about emotionally? Having blind faith (unrealistic confidence), as in these two examples will probably have a negative impact on your self-esteem. As a result, doubt will erode your level of confidence and you will experience an emotional set back.

Extremes aside, what benefits come from confidence?

Confidence makes life much easier and much more fun. It creates opportunities that would not exist otherwise. Having confidence gives us the energy to pursue our dreams, and the power to overcome obstacles. It gives us a sense of certainty in our ability to bring about a favorable outcome, even when others have doubt.
Many people are afraid to go for the life they truly desire. Lacking self-confidence they fear failure, worse yet, they actually anticipate it. Their lack of confidence stifles their willingness to reach out for their dreams.
On the other hand, being confident opens the doors to your dreams. When you carry yourself with confidence, people will naturally be attracted to that quality. When you have confidence in yourself, others tend to feel that way also. When you speak and act with conviction, it changes the way the world responds to you.
Developing and displaying self-confidence will change your life on almost every level. Confidence is like a powerful magnet that will attract into your life whatever opportunities, resources, or people are needed to facilitate your ability to create the life you desire.

Where does self-confidence come from?

Confidence grows, or shrinks, in response to your personal beliefs about who you are, and what you are capable of. These beliefs are influenced by your self-esteem, and reinforced by the results you have produced in previous experiences.
If your self-esteem is low, your level of commitment will also be low. Lack of confidence will cause you to hold back in expectation of failure. With only a half-hearted commitment and negative expectations, results will probably be disappointing. Being unable to produce your desired result will further erode your self-esteem. It’s a negative reinforcement loop.
On the other hand, if you already have a healthy level of self-esteem, you will likely have a correspondingly high level of self-confidence. When you take on a new challenge, you will anticipate a successful outcome and so your level of commitment will also be greater. These factors will combine to create another successful outcome, which will continue to fuel your level of confidence. This is a positive reinforcement loop.

How do we build more self-confidence?

We build our self-confidence by creating a positive reinforcement loop. This will allow us to bolster our self-esteem, increase our level of commitment, and produce our intended outcome. As a result, our self-confidence will grow. Each time the loop is completed successfully, we will become more and more confident in our own ability to succeed.

The key is to start small

Starting small allows us to control the outcome and generate some momentum. Here are five simple steps that will help you get started.
1) Choose an area in your life where you know you can take control. No matter who we are, there is always some area in our life where we feel a level of competence. Start by setting a reachable goal in that direction and then take action.
2) When you experience success, set another reachable goal in that same direction and follow through with more action.
3) Continue this pattern until you become comfortable with your ability to produce your intended outcome. Now you have created a positive reinforcement loop.
4) Next, choose a different area in your life where you have a degree of competence and repeat the process.
5) As your feelings of confidence grow, allow yourself to identify with your success. Learn to view yourself as a successful person and attach feelings of approval to your positive experiences.
You can also explain your challenge to a friend and ask them to provide you with some positive feedback every time you succeed in producing an intended result. Now you will have both an external, and an internal source of positive validation.
These steps can be followed to increase your level of self-confidence regardless of your current level. Just scale the first step according to where you are now, and build your self-confidence from there. The phrase start small is relative to where you currently are.

Start where you are and make progress

Often, it was circumstances beyond our control that had a decisive influence on our self-esteem and self-confidence. But that was then and this is now. Taking the time to build, or even rebuild, these important personal assets is definitely worth the effort.
So, in addressing our opening question, “What’s Wrong With Unstoppable Self-Confidence?” the obvious answer can only be –
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AT ALL!

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10 Ways to Instantly Build Up Your Confidence

Self confidence is the difference between feeling unstoppable and feeling scared out of your wits. Your perception of yourself has an enormous impact on how others perceive you. Perception is reality — the more self confidence you have, the more likely it is you’ll succeed.
Although many of the factors affecting self confidence are beyond your control, there are a number of things you can consciously do to build self confidence. By using these 10 strategies you can get the mental edge you need to reach your potential.

Build self confidence

1. Dress Sharp. Although clothes don’t make the man, they certainly affect the way he feels about himself. No one is more conscious of your physical appearance than you are. When you don’t look good, it changes the way you carry yourself and interact with other people. Use this to your advantage by taking care of your personal appearance. In most cases, significant improvements can be made by bathing and shaving frequently, wearing clean clothes, and being cognizant of the latest styles.
This doesn’t mean you need to spend a lot on clothes. One great rule to follow is “spend twice as much, buy half as much”. Rather than buying a bunch of cheap clothes, buy half as many select, high quality items. In long run this decreases spending because expensive clothes wear out less easily and stay in style longer than cheap clothes. Buying less also helps reduce the clutter in your closet.
2. Walk Faster. One of the easiest ways to tell how a person feels about herself is to examine her walk. Is it slow? tired? painful? Or is it energetic and purposeful? People with confidence walk quickly. They have places to go, people to see, and important work to do. Even if you aren’t in a hurry, you can increase your self confidence by putting some pep in your step. Walking 25% faster will make to you look and feel more important.
3. Good Posture. Similarly, the way a person carries herself tells a story. People with slumped shoulders and lethargic movements display a lack of self confidence. They aren’t enthusiastic about what they’re doing and they don’t consider themselves important. By practicing good posture, you’ll automatically feel more confident. Stand up straight, keep your head up, and make eye contact. You’ll make a positive impression on others and instantly feel more alert and empowered.
4. Personal Commercial. One of the best ways to build confidence is listening to a motivational speech. Unfortunately, opportunities to listen to a great speaker are few and far between. You can fill this need by creating a personal commercial. Write a 30-60 second speech that highlights your strengths and goals. Then recite it in front of the mirror aloud (or inside your head if you prefer) whenever you need a confidence boost.
5. Gratitude. When you focus too much on what you want, the mind creates reasons why you can’t have it. This leads you to dwell on your weaknesses. The best way to avoid this is consciously focusing on gratitude. Set aside time each day to mentally list everything you have to be grateful for. Recall your past successes, unique skills, loving relationships, and positive momentum. You’ll be amazed how much you have going for you and motivated to take that next step towards success.
6. Compliment other people. When we think negatively about ourselves, we often project that feeling on to others in the form of insults and gossip. To break this cycle of negativity, get in the habit of praising other people. Refuse to engage in backstabbing gossip and make an effort to compliment those around you. In the process, you’ll become well liked and build self confidence. By looking for the best in others, you indirectly bring out the best in yourself.
7. Sit in the front row. In schools, offices, and public assemblies around the world, people constantly strive to sit at the back of the room. Most people prefer the back because they’re afraid of being noticed. This reflects a lack of self confidence. By deciding to sit in the front row, you can get over this irrational fear and build your self confidence. You’ll also be more visible to the important people talking from the front of the room.
8. Speak up. During group discussions many people never speak up because they’re afraid that people will judge them for saying something stupid. This fear isn’t really justified. Generally, people are much more accepting than we imagine. In fact most people are dealing with the exact same fears. By making an effort to speak up at least once in every group discussion, you’ll become a better public speaker, more confident in your own thoughts, and recognized as a leader by your peers.
9. Work out. Along the same lines as personal appearance, physical fitness has a huge effect on self confidence. If you’re out of shape, you’ll feel insecure, unattractive, and less energetic. By working out, you improve your physical appearance, energize yourself, and accomplish something positive. Having the discipline to work out not only makes you feel better, it creates positive momentum that you can build on the rest of the day.
10. Focus on contribution. Too often we get caught up in our own desires. We focus too much on ourselves and not enough on the needs of other people. If you stop thinking about yourself and concentrate on the contribution you’re making to the rest of the world, you won’t worry as much about you own flaws. This will increase self confidence and allow you to contribute with maximum efficiency. The more you contribute to the world the more you’ll be rewarded with personal success and recognition.

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The Power of Self Talk

It’s no secret that the way we communicate with others has a direct bearing on the quality of our relationships. Our words have the power to encourage or discourage, to build up or tear down. I am sure that we have all experienced the healing power of a kind word along with the pain of someone’s cruel or careless comments.
Being aware of the powerful effect our words can have on other people’s lives, we naturally try to use our gift of speech in a responsible and compassionate way when interacting with those around us. But, let me ask you this…

Do you show yourself the same consideration?

Our ongoing dialogue with ourselves, whether internal or verbal, has a direct influence on our self-image. Self-talk may not be audible to others, but the message gets through loud and clear to your nervous system. If you belittle yourself, minimize your achievements, or express doubt in your own abilities, how will that influence your sense of self worth? Obviously, it won’t produce beneficial results.
On the other hand, positive and encouraging self-talk will contribute to feelings of inner strength and self-respect, which will have a very beneficial effect on the way you view yourself and your personal potential.

You replay your internal conversations

Self-talk is like a recording that constantly plays in your mind, and much of the time you are completely unaware of it because it occurs on a subconscious level. Negative internal conversations can have the same side effects as hurtful gossip. If those recorded messages include limiting beliefs from the past, reinforced by derogatory input from the present, the damage gets compounded.
If you are currently the victim of your own negative self-talk then here’s some good news. With a little effort those recorded messages can be erased and replaced with new, more empowering ones. Let’s look at a few simple ways to use positive self-talk to change your mental recording and empower yourself.

3 ways to empower yourself with positive self-talk

1. Build yourself up. If you’ve gotten used to tearing yourself down, you may not even notice how harshly you speak to yourself. To turn this around, you simply need to make a conscious choice to build yourself up as often as possible. Begin a new habit of speaking encouragingly and expressing positive thoughts about yourself and your abilities. For example, instead of referring to yourself as an idiot when you make a mistake, remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes and experience helps us to improve.
In addition, make some time every day to look at yourself in the mirror and find three positive things to say about yourself. You can compliment your physical features, personality traits, abilities or accomplishments. We all have our strong points so be sure you make the time to acknowledge yours.
Most importantly, always speak to yourself in the same way you would speak to a good friend who is in need of support and encouragement. You would never call them names or say mean things to them, so don’t do those things to yourself either!
2. Be your own cheerleader. Rather than avoiding a difficult task because you doubt your own abilities, become your own cheerleader.  When you’re getting ready to tackle something challenging, take a few minutes to give yourself a mental pep talk. Express confidence in the fact that “you can do this.”
Also, be sure to regularly commend yourself for a job well done and don’t limit your expressions of approval to just the big accomplishments. If you gave something your best effort, then go ahead and acknowledge that. For example, you could say to yourself, “I’m really proud of the way I handled that rude customer. I kept my cool the whole time.” Or, “I’m so proud of myself for finishing that project before deadline.”
Next, find some way to reward yourself so that your expressions of approval are linked to tangible benefits. This will do wonders to build your sense of self confidence.
3. Love yourself unconditionally. We all have things about ourselves that we want to improve, but our love for ourselves should not be conditional on making those improvements.  It is important that we love ourselves, not for the things we’ve done or plan to do, but for who we are. Love your uniqueness, your personality, your character traits and everything else that makes you who you are.
The more you allow yourself to feel your own love and approval, the better you will feel about your life. In turn, the easier it will be for positive self-talk to become your natural tendency.

Do it anyway

You may feel a little self conscious following some of these suggestions at first because they might be considerably different from the way you normally treat yourself. You need to do it anyway because the more you practice them, the easier and more natural they will feel.
Before you know it, those old, negative recordings that used to undermine you will be a thing of the past. They will have been replaced with encouraging and empowering messages created through the power of positive self-talk.
How are you doing in the self-talk department?
Could you relate to any of this?
The lines are open!

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